After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
