Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
