So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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