Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
