East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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