Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
