i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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