hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize