Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
