I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A bitchslap is in order.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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