youre lurking in front of me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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