I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
