Only a mothe r could love this liver
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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