I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
