Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
