Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
