I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
