My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
