ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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