Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
