The maid of honor just puked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
