I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
