You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
