he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Need sex. Gaining weight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
