He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
