do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
