so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
