yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
