Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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