so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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