Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
