I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
