Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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