god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize