I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
