HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
