2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
