This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
