I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
