Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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