its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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