Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
