I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
