wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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