I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
