Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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