They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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