About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
