on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
where are my eyebrows?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
