My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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