I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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