happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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