if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
