It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
your like the ambassador to my penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
