if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
