If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
