his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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