If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
