In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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