Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
