i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
