Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
