I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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