question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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