It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
