All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
