So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
