Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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