she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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