My cat gives me a boner
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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