I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
