And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
