Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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