I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
