I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize