dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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