angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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