Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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