Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
