i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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