It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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