Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
