I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
