I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize