so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
