first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
