We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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