i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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