He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
