Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
