i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
