Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize