when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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