I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
