then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
