He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
