so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
