Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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