Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
