I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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