This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize