doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He felt like a one man threesome
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
