I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize