Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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