i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
