I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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