Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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