Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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