I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
