but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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