So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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