He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
