just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
