what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize