just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
