Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
