I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
