Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
