Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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