Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
