She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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