I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
