East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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